What are you going to do today?
It’s a question that I consistently answer with ‘Trying to write.’ ( One day not so very long ago, it would have been ‘Trying to take over the world’ with less irony than you might expect.)
It’s April now and I’m slowly adapting to the life I’m creating for myself. Today, I like that life but I admit it fluctuates. ‘Trying to write’ instead of ‘going to write’ comes from finding the balance between ‘consciously steering’ and ‘enjoying the ride.’ Recently I had a mild panic, and when I say recently I mean two days ago, that I haven’t been writing as much as I should. However, you can’t force it and funnily enough, writing is much more enjoyable when you are not staring blankly at the screen wondering what on earth you are doing.
The more you push the less it flows, at least for me. It means I’m fighting the fear (I shall spare you the details of all the dark places my head can take me, though it does involve taking an office job and marrying Ed from Finance because he has a stable income and nice teeth.) and trying to remind myself that this is the life I want and enjoy it while I’m figuring it out.
I try to motivate myself by looking for inspiration in others. Reading books (The Old Man and The Sea my first Hemingway read was interesting) watching people in the street, meeting with friends, watching programs and that is how I stumbled across a documentary about Robert Redford and Paul Newman (*swoon* developing unhealthy obsession with a dead man.). The former saying about the latter: “What we can learn from Paul? Maybe how he went about it his own way… If it’s not fun, it’s not worth doing and it doesn’t have to be silly. It could be hard work and it could be edgy, it could be a lot of things. But it could also be fun.”
It’s alright to have fun while you are plotting life. This project is not supposed to be stressful, it should be fun. Writing about it shouldn’t be a chore, just something I want to do: and I do.Today is a good day: this was my warm-up exercise (posted later today) and more writing shall be done on other projects. Plus I’ve decided that today is also the day to start practising the mouth harmonica, put as a challenge to learn to play away the blues…